Every now and again, I'm struck by the urge to quit smoking. I've tried the patch, hypnosis, accupuncture, cold turkey, support groups, subliminal messaging. When my doctor suggested the antidepressant pill, I agreed.
It worked effortlessly and amazingly well. Then a few weeks in, things started to go wrong. I unexpectedly began thinking about suicide. I spent an entire weekend searching for a copy of my will because I couldn't remember what provisions I had made for the animals. A customer asked me for a certain brand of film and I began to cry and a half hour later was still crying and had not the first idea why. I began to seriously consider the possibility that I was having some kind of breakdown but never once made any connection to the medication. In the shrink's office, trying to explain what was happening, I learned about the side effects of the antidepressant - depression, suicidal thoughts, mood swings. I stopped the drug, started smoking again, and in a few days was back to normal.
I like quick fixes. I want to quit smoking but don't want to go through withdrawal. I want to lose 10 pounds but don't want to diet. I want to be whole again but I don't want to do the work. And I think I have lots of company in this. We would rather reach for a bandaid than a solution, treat a symptom rather than a cause. It's not laziness, it's impatience. We're in such a rush to get somewhere, we lose sight of where we're going and forget that it's the journey not the destination that really matters.
Take your time. Enjoy the view. Look inward and travel light. Expect miracles and they'll find you.
1 comment:
You may not want to, but you are clearly doing the work anyway. That's the path you are on. And, in my opinion, you are already whole.
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