Day Surgery

It was a routine doctor visit.

I laid on the cold metal table, shivering, feet in the stirrups and covered only by a paper sheet. The handdrawn smiley face on the ceiling looked down at me in amusement. My doctor stood over me, eyes carefully studying the wall, hands on my breasts, humming slightly under his breath. He seemed to be taking a long time, pressing and massaging the same areas over and over again. At some point, I registered that he'd stopped humming.

I watched him pull his stool closer to the table, clipboard in in one hand, pen in the other. He gave me a reassuring smile and began to talk. I heard the words, the name of another doctor, the fact that it was Monday and that he was making an appointment for me the next day, that the doctor was a fine surgeon. I heard the words but didn't comprehend. I didn't understand the rush. He kissed the top of my head as he always did,
smiled again and told me not to worry.

I dressed and left. In the car, I tried to remember what he had said but found I was having trouble breathing.
The words were in the back of my mind but still didn't make sense and I decided I'd misunderstood him.

The surgeon was a short, dark haired teddy bear of a man with serious eyes. He methodically explained the different kinds of biopsies there were and which one he thought I should have. Out patient surgery, he said,
results the same day. We'll schedule it for this week, what did I think about Friday. The mention of a day of the week brought me out of the fog and I said but why so soon and he paused before he said the sooner we know, the better. The sooner we know what, I said blankly and immediately regretted asking because without the fog I could suddenly understand the words malignant, benign, tumor, biopsy. Out of nowhere, I realized they were talking about cancer. And me.

It was benign. A nurse was leaning over me in recovery, smiling and saying it was benign. I thanked her and closed my eyes again, holding her hand. When I woke up the second time, Tricia was standing over me, asking if I was up to getting dressed and going home.

As near misses go, it really wasn't much - just one more reminder to pay attention and be glad for each day because nobody is promised tomorrow.