Some Assembly Required

For the record, I'm not completely or hopelessly home do-it-yourself helpless.

For the majority of my life, I've just never needed to cultivate self-reliance. Oh, I can mount the hardware and hang curtains, put together a bookcase or a vacuum cleaner, even assemble and install a doorknob but I've rarely needed to. There was always a husband or a friend or a paid professional around for such chores. It's been an easy and convenient lifestyle and I confess I miss it, but a fixed income does tend to moderate all kinds of things, lifestyles included. So when I realized that having a plumber replace the toilet seat was likely to cost me a week's wages, I decided to try it on my own.

Following my friend Charli's advice, I found and watched several “How To” videos and was encouraged that it didn't look all that complicated. I measured as instructed and gathered the required tools (all except the screwdriver which I couldn't put my hands on for love or money) and drove to the hated Walmart to purchase a new seat. Wood seemed more long term practical but plastic was easier on the budget so the first decision was simple and what I saved on wood went into a screwdriver set anyway.

Just to be safe, I watched the videos a second time and then slowly and carefully read the step-by-step instructions thoughtfully printed on the packaging and illustrated with pictures. It still seemed fairly straightforward and I began to feel more a bit more confident as I unwrapped the new seat and arranged my tools on the bathroom floor. Screwdriver in one hand and pliers in the other, I approached the porcelain bowl cautiously, trying to convince myself that it wasn't watching me with just the slightest hint of defiance. The key, I decided, was to show no fear.

“I am woman,” I told it firmly, “You are toilet.”

In the end, it wasn't quite the cakewalk I'd imagined but it wasn't quantum physics either and while I'm not likely to make this kind of thing a habit, it's impossible to discount the feeling of accomplishment it gave me. Self-reliance and a screwdriver can take you a long ways.