Once We Were Children

Once we were children.

We were protected and cherished, celebrated and loved.  We were taught to trust, listen, tell the truth and respect others.  We were safe and sheltered, provided and cared for.  Or, we were in the way, a bad decision and a burden, resented and even abused. If you come from the former, it can be hard to comprehend the latter but.... whatever we learned, we carried with us into adulthood and kept with us at all times, not knowing how to tell it or let it go, not understanding that the fault wasn't our's.

My friend, Charli, recently wrote very publicly about the sexual abuse she suffered as a child.  It was painful to read and must've been excruciating to write but shame and secrets will only take you so far before you expose it or die trying.  Toxic families forfeit the right to be protected or loved the very moment they side with the abuser, the very moment they take a child's innocence and shatter his or her soul.  If you enable harm to come to your child, you are as guilty as those who inflict it.

The therapists and counselors and self help books will talk to you about forgiveness and healing and moving on, about finding your inner child and making peace with your demons.  They'll warn about how unhealthy hate is, how anger only hurts you, they'll imprint the Serenity Prayer on your forehead and gently, gently remind you that you can control no one but your own self.  All wise and hard won advice, useful if you have a forgiving nature but worthless put against the need to strike back and be vindicated.

Once we were children, kept quiet and kept in line with secrets and shame, alone and afraid.  There were no locks strong enough to keep the predators out and those that should've provided a safe harbor sided against us.  Some still do.  Some always will.  They count on our vulnerability and lack of resistance and most of all, they count on our silence, knowing we've been tricked into thinking that it's our fault.  They're confident and they're safe, certain that we won't tell and risk being labeled or judged or denied or disbelieved.  Violate and betray a child and you create a victim but here's the thing - victims grow up, sometimes as risk takers with a strong sense of self and a need to heal.  We don't just tell, we tell publicly.  We find allies and like souls, we write songs with lyrics that are hard to hear, we find roads to recovery and strength.  We confront, we tell the truth, we don't hide, we don't stay sick and we leave the toxicity of our families behind.

So here, take my hand.  We are children no more.  And in the end, we will win.

Abusers control, manipulate and make you feel like you're the one with the problem.
Stand up, speak out, and take back your life.
You are not to blame ~ Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence