When I Fail, I Feel Guilty

Among my character flaws - and there are more than a handful - is a leftover need to please other people. When I fail, I feel guilty.

If I'm not to blame, I also feel put upon, unfairly judged and diminished. It's classic co-dependence. The world seems to consist of just two types of people, those who are always trying to please and those who can never be pleased and by some grand design, these two types are naturally drawn together in families and relationships and in the workplace. They cannot help but be at constant odds. While one hands out fault, the other naturally accepts it - one could not work without the other. It makes for a well fitting partnership but it also breeds resentment and inevitable confrontations.

Growing up and later marrying into alcoholism taught me that when things went wrong, I was to blame. If I hadn't done something outright wrong, then I hadn't done something right enough and either way, it was my fault. We all need and seek approval - if it's withheld, we just try harder and the more it's withheld, the more we fail. Like a washing machine stuck on the rinse cycle, we go round and round without resolution.

Today I will try to remember this.