When a real friend hits you with a two by four to get your attention, it's for your own good. I have such a friend, willing to risk telling me the truth, point out when I'm wrong, show me the other side of my complaints. I do my best to listen and absorb because I love her, I trust her insights, and because she sees the things that I don't or refuse to. We talk often about human behavior and motivation, dynamics of relationships, power and control, the day to day issues of communication, all the things that go into surviving day to day living without suffering an emotional meltdown. We come from diametrically opposed places and upbringings and we see things quite differently - it is, perhaps, one of the cornerstones of our friendship. We are both fascinated by the inner workings of people, how they act and interact, why they behave as they do, and how they so often go wrong with or without the best of intentions. Such exchanges could easily turn into arguments with hurt feelings or anger, but they never do. We discuss and explore and use personal examples or shared experiences to demonstrate a point and if enough time passes and we are both listening, we are better and stronger for it. We recognize that not every fault can be fixed and our very disagreements make us closer friends. By design or nature, we stay away from the labels of right and wrong or good and bad, concentrating instead on cause and effect, reasonable and unreasonable expectations, and how awareness is the first step to understanding. We do this is very real terms and straightforward language, mostly but not always tempered by tact and carefulness of the the other's feelings.
There are times when a two by four is needed to break through my natural stubbornness or her natural southern ladyness. I think real friends are designed to make each other a little crazy at times.
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