No Hard Feelings: The Art of Theory & Practice

The squirrels gather late in the afternoon, chasing each other through the trees with astonishing energy and flexibility. They sometimes chatter and switch their tails menacingly as they fly from branch to branch but it's all just for show. Squirrels, I think, are competitive but pacifists at heart and their enthusiastic confrontations are vocal but non-violent. They each make their points then resume their activities with no hard feelings, no lingering resentment. Squirrels forgive and forget, they harbor no ill will.

I only speak for myself, but even the suggestion of a confrontation puts me into a tailspin of fear and anxiety. Nervous knots develop in my stomach and my ears ring, my throat closes, I feel a little sick, and my hands shake.

In my mind, a confrontation is a breeding ground - for anger, disappointment, yelling, hurt feelings and even violence. Nothing triggers my "fight or flight" instincts faster or more powerfully. My beloved friend Tricia, on the other hand,

sees an opportunity - for clearing the air, sharing ideas, finding resolutions and moving on. She's absolutely right, of course, but when experience teaches you the meaning of a word, it's difficult to accept a different definition, even if you do know better. We are all threatened by our own flaws and limitations, our own experiences, our past history and the lessons it has taught us. We need to remember that the lessons we learned are not carved in stone - they can be modified or even ignored. Like all good advice, this is easier given than followed, easier said than done. Theory and practice are very distant cousins twice removed.

In AA, they say simply - Take what you need and leave the rest.

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