The Arkansas Tick Show

Since the advent of Jimmy Ray, I've rescued shoes, socks, toothbrushes, weatherstripping, mail,

nightlights, diabetic testing meters, magic markers, shower curtains, dvds, rare books, and an assortment of plastic ware and kitchen knives from him. I've fought him for possession of paper towels, electrical cords, padded envelopes, jockey shorts, pill bottles (with and without their contents), credit cards, water bottles, lint brushes, throw pillows, leashes, bulldog clips, empty toilet paper rolls, imitation flowers and entire binders of bank statements. The battle has been never ending but in the case of the Arkansas Tick, my courage failed and I found myself yelling for Michael.

Jimmy Ray was batting it about on the carpet like a toy and until I leaned in to see exactly what the damn dog had gotten now, I didn't realize it was a tick. It was the size and shape of a jellybean, metallic gray in color and engorged with blood. I saw spidery legs waving from its head and sides like antennae and nearly retched with disgust.

“Kill it!” I screeched at Michael, “Smash it! Set it on fire! Nuke it!”

He calmly slid a piece of cardboard under the vile thing and carried it to the kitchen where he did indeed set it on fire in the kitchen sink and then drowned it for good measure. The idea of it sucking the little dog's blood until it couldn't hold anymore was so repellent to me I was sure I was going to lose my morning chocolate milk. I vaguely remembered reading it was the blood that carried disease and that made my gut clench even harder.

“Arkansas Tick,” Michael said matter of factly, “They fall off when they're full of blood.”

I'm not usually squeamish but that was the straw that broke the camel's back and a wash of acid rose in my throat. I made it to the bathroom but only just. Jimmy Ray, possibly hoping I had another tick in my pocket, padded right along behind me. Michael and I spent the next hour going over every inch of every dog with a fine tooth comb.

In Mother Nature's grand scheme, I'm sure there must be a reason for parasites, even the blood sucking ones, but I really don't want to know.