Speak Slowly, Use Small Words

Memo to payroll:

In the event that you have failed to notice, the payroll situation has become untenable.

At the end of each of the last three consecutive payroll periods, my check has been late. Perhaps you are unaware that this leads to my having to beg food and borrow money, actions which are not healthy for my pride or self respect. At no time did anyone in payroll think this important enough to notify me beforehand or apologize afterward.

As I have no reason whatsoever to imagine that this will be corrected for the next payroll period, I am advising you of the following: Should my next check fail to be deposited on time, I expect it to be hand delivered on the day it is due. If it is not, then I will turn in my notice in favor of a payroll department that demonstrates a modicum of respect for its employees.

Once could happen to anyone. Twice takes a little work. Three times indicates either willful blindness or complete and utter incompetence. It makes little difference to me whether this is born of carelessness or if you are simply not up to the task, however, being paid on time is not an unreasonable demand and it takes minimal effort to make a quick telephone call if a problem arises.

Please note that I have not included the incidence of a vacation day not being paid. I realize that while the initial error was not yours, the fact remains that I made three separate telephone calls to you before you returned my call. I did not hear one single word from you following that and despite your latest assurances to my employer that this had been corrected, the vacation day remains unpaid. This failure to demonstrate the most basic courtesy and communication suggests a depth of indifference that I find impressive albeit wholly unprofessional. Therefore, I expect this situation to be rectified without any further attempt to evade responsibility or shift blame.

Be advised that I will continue to document your actions and responses - or the lack thereof - until this is resolved.