If, at this stage of my life, a man I loved suggested that we live together, my reaction would be instantaneous - I would leap at the opportunity without a second thought or recoil and run for the hills. It would not occur to me to have a series of conversations or think it through - I am more a person of impulse than I like to believe.
A friend I have known almost since I was able to walk finds herself precisely at this point. Her immediate reaction was caution - she is slightly younger but far more insightful than I - and gentle pressure on the brakes was second nature. That she loves this man as he does her is clear and were it 30 years ago when there was room and time to make mistakes, she might've jumped to clean out drawers and make a permanent space for him, might've run that yellow light without hesitation. But age and experience have taught her wisdom and foresight, the ability to look forward more clearly, to evaluate risk and consider options, to weigh the impact upon them both and her daughter. If anything, she has a tendency to overthink, but at this particular intersection, it's wise to look in all directions and I envy her restraint and common sense. She's in love but not ready to jump off the cliff.
Life is often more forgiving if you jump with a parachute, more tolerant of risk taking at 20 than 50. This is not someone who commits easily, not someone willing to share her life just out of love and good chemistry - she wants it all. I have a suspicion that this time she may find the happy ever after.
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