Kid Free

There is something supremely satisfying about watching - from a distance, more's the pity - the daughter of a lifelong friend come into her own - seeing her leave the protected nest and try her wings, explore, mature, learn, make mistakes. She is her mother's daughter and yet she is not - there is more daring in her, more of a willingness to take risks, more independence of spirit. It comes from her mother's own experience of fighting parental control and breaking free without sacrificing love and without fear. More, I have watched her mother overcome the urge to keep her close, setting her free with pride and unshakable faith despite the inevitable loneliness such freedom would bring. The best parenting creates a child who stands alone without abandoning her raising.

We pass along the best and worst of ourselves to our children whether we mean to or not and although we might willingly die to keep them from harm, in the end all we have to keep them safe is the hope that we did the best we could. There is no certainty so we let go and pray, keeping a room made up and a cell phone close by. We need to know that they know they can always come home and be taken in.

I have had moments, although only a half dozen times and always in passing, what kind of mother I might have been and where life might have taken me if I'd made a different decision. Then of course I think of alligators eating their young - a practice I've always considered highly sensible - and the moment passes.