For those of us who have been spared the dilemma of aging parents, it can be a mixed blessing. I discover I have more than enough to worry over and stress about in my own life and simply cannot imagine having the additional responsibility of parental care, the burdens of decision making and the guilt of powerlessness.
My cousin Linda is not so fortunate. First having seen her own parents through end of life care, she now faces a repeat performance with her partner's surviving parent. She must navigate through a maze of choices, none good or easy to live with, none that will satisfy everyone involved, none that she will later think well of. There are financial realities to consider, impossible medical predicaments to be resolved, living arrangements to be made - there are no quick fixes to be had and no truly good solutions to be found. Through it all she will be haunted by memories of her own parents and she will re-feel the pain of helplessness and loss. Her nature is to care and care for and she will need every reserve of strength, hope, patience and understanding.
She will do this with few and far between complaints. She will do this with sacrifice and quiet. She will do as much as she can, as long as she can because it is her nature and because she has no other alternative.
She may doubt her decisions, she may even question her motives, but she will not lose herself in the process. She is far stronger than she knows and she will recognize her limits and reconcile with them.
She may not know it just now, but I do.
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