We all have our saturation points. Mine came today, when, after a morning of listening to a litany of health complaints from a co-worker and a deep sigh following each and every telephone call, I left for lunch and stalled at the first intersection. Something's misfiring, my mechanic assured me cheerfully, I can look at it tomorrow. It's always tomorrow in the world of car trouble. I got home, arriving the same time as the letter carrier and made the mistake of opening the front door while he was still depositing mail. The black dog, who had clearly had him in her sights before he reached the door, lunged like a wild thing, careening through the screen and onto the steps in one amazing motion. I caught her in mid-leap, twenty pounds of struggling, powerful and very irate dog, determined to defend her territory at all costs. She's not a bad dog, I told him weakly, She has issues. The unnerved postal employee fled, leaving a trail of scattered mail and magazines in his wake and giving me a dark look over his shoulder. The black dog, still barking and fighting for the freedom to chase, began licking my face and neck, proud of her behavior and happy to have won another round, unimpressed with the severe scolding that followed and content to race in mad circles around me while I began the midday feeding. Enough! I heard myself shout through the chaos and slammed my fist on the counter, startling the pacing cats and causing the small brown dog to immediately seek shelter under the table, I'm doing the best I can!
I regretted this outburst instantly and made amends, counting to ten and taking several deep breaths before apologizing and regaining my composure. My temper rarely gets the best of me and my animals - with the notable exception of the black dog - were certainly not to blame. It was a minor meltdown but a telling one, making me realize that I need a break from work and caretaking and bad weather. I canceled my plans to come home and collapse, opting instead for a quiet dinner at a downtown restaurant and an evening of music and picture taking.
There are times when you just have to put it all down.
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