Life, Love and Process

My oldest friend is in love.

Happy as a clam, scared witless by her own vulnerability, filled with joy and promise, terror and curiosity. Her messages to me are a combination of romance and intimacy, fear and passion, discovery and satisfaction. Each day is an adventure in becoming part of a couple, of learning to share her time and feelings, of taking steps that frighten and attract her, of trusting and expressing herself to another. I think she has found a good man - open, honest, unselfish - carrying his own burdens and trying to find his way out of a dark place and into the light. He is slowly entrusting her with his heart and she is slowly offering her's in return. It's a good match for life, love and the process of becoming whole.

Everything is a process, everything is a journey not a destination and if we travel with someone else, we make sacrifices and take risks. Pain is as much a part of the process as joy and the people who come and go in our lives all have purpose, all have something to offer and something to take away. If they stay, it's a matter of finding the balance - defining boundaries and limits, recognizing and appreciating differences, knowing where to look for harmony without giving up identity, helping without hurting. We can be part of a couple but we still must know how to stand alone and stand our ground. To ask for what we need and sometimes accept a little less is not inherent in our nature - to be truthful and risk being hurt does not come easy - to be with someone and fear hurting them is difficult. Love and partnership walk side by side but sometimes must be on separate paths and parallel courses.

I wish them well and hope they will endure. We all deserve someone to walk with through the process.