Last Ride

It's a cold day for a last ride.

I line the carrier with towels and a thick fleece blanket and gently lift the old cat out of his basket. I expect the usual dissent and disapproval at the confinement and the general indignity of being in a carrier, but he doesn't make a sound, not a single sound, instead sitting motionless and quiet the entire way. His silence is unbearable, far worse than any protest he could make.

I have always believed that animals, cats especially, are keenly intuitive and I can't shake the notion that he knows what is coming and is accepting it with grace and courage.

Due to a computer failure and the fact that it's their first day back after the holiday, the clinic is crowded, loud, running late and a little chaotic. A half hour passes before I can even check in but the old cat still doesn't stir or make a sound. It takes everything I have not to break down but he just watches and waits. Eventually they call his name and we make our way to an exam room, away from the commotion of the waiting room. The vet tech talks to him soothingly, strokes his roughened fur, hugs me fiercely. I give up my resolution not to cry. She sedates him, catheterizes him and wraps him in a blanket. The doctor steps in. It's very peaceful and very quick. In a matter of seconds, his heart stops and his body goes limp in my arms. I let go.

He hadn't been much to look at 15 years ago when my friend and vet brought him to me during a routine visit for another cat. She'd found him in a school parking lot, dirty, hungry, uncared for and fending for himself in a not very kind world. There was nothing special about him, he was just one more scrawny, stray black cat in need of a home.

“I'll have him neutered for you”, she'd offered, “And get him all his vaccinations. What do you think?”

“I think the last thing in the world I need is another cat,” I'd sighed, “But what the hell, if you think he'll fit in, I'll give him a try.”

And so 15 years passed. He adapted and minded his own business, got along with the dogs, never gave me a lick of trouble or worry. He was a quiet and private animal, came when he was called, sometimes slept with me but mostly not. A low key, low maintenance cat if ever there was one and there were days when I hardly knew he was here.

There won't be any days that I don't miss him.