Axe Away

When I was a good deal younger, I worked for the telephone company for several long years and had telephone manners drilled into me where they set like cement. So I know that any conversation that begins with, Look he-ah..... isn't going to go well.  And I end up with far too many of them.  

We don't consider appointments firm until they're confirmed so twice a week we spend/waste a good deal of time calling patients.  Provided the telephone numbers they've given us haven't already been disconnected for non-payment. they rarely answer and even less often take the time to actually listen to the message we leave. Why bother when you can just call the number back and be an idiot?

Look, he-ah, the voice mumbles, You call me?

Ah jist don' know, I sometimes reply, Who dis be?

Surprisingly, they usually take no offense at this, assuming perhaps that I went to the same school or maybe am related somehow.  To be articulate in my office is to be wasteful of time and energy and though it makes me want to cringe, I've learned to play the game.

Kin Ah axe you a question?  I hear.

Axe away, I answer though I know I'll regret it and wondering what has become of the English language.  Sarcasm is useful although not as satisfying as beating them senseless would be.

Dis be the foot doctor place?

Dis be the place!

Well, look he-ah, you take the medicaid?

No, ma'am.

Well, look he-ah, what's Ah 'sposed to do?  I ain't got no job and I be needin' my feets looked at!

One common language I'm afraid we'll never get. 
Oh, why can't the English learn to set 
A good example to people whose 
English is painful to your ears? 
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears. 
There even are places where English completely
disappears. In America, they haven't used it for years!  ~ Prof. Henry Higgins