High Expectations

Being a woman of natural spirit and hard earned independence, my grandmother disliked being reliant on other people as well as mechanical devices she didn't fully understand .  She had no patience with stupidity and no tolerance with dysfunctional machinery - be it a radio, an egg beater, even a Lincoln Mark IV, if it misbehaved, it was banished, smashed to smithereens when possible and replaced.  In this, I am most like her - a malfunctioning can opener can drive me to hysterical rage and I take its failure to perform personally.  I tell myself that my appliances are not targeting me but somewhere in a dark recess of my mind, the suspicion lingers.  In one or two instances when a number if things have gone consecutively wrong, I've even considered the possibility of an underground conspiracy at work and I have no doubt that it's the can opener giving the orders.  The printer that suddenly refuses to print, the cd player that refuses to play, the failing vacuum cleaner or the hair dryer that blows only cold air - all just soldiers.  I wonder what my grandmother would make of this new and improved world.




With people, she was selective and demanding, cultivating a wide number of acquaintances but a limited circle of true friends.  She seemed to prefer the company of women friends and even with those quite close to her usually maintained an enviable reserve.  Patience with the flaws of others was not her strong suit and being a widow for a good part of her life had taught her self reliance - she wasn't wealthy but she'd been left comfortable - that and her natural frugality served her well in the years she spent alone.  She was, if not happy, at least well content and as a rule, uncomplaining.  I suspect I've inherited that part of her nature as well albeit not the comfortable part.  She struggled through the first part of her life while I struggle through the last.


She looked on men much as she looked on cars - necessary evils with narrow usefulness, a constant need for maintenance and no trade in value.  Looking at her short, stocky and firmly corseted frame with her snowy hair and sensible shoes, it was impossible for me to imagine her as a young woman, newly wed and leaving home for marriage and motherhood.  From what I knew of my grandfather, I couldn't help but wonder if she'd been following a dream or just doing what was expected of her.


There's a saying that If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna be trouble.  I imagine that little gem would've made her smile.