Seeding the Clouds

My daddy had a theory that all people can change for the better and the good. He kept to this belief despite all the evidence to the contrary and all the disappointments he encountered - hard times never discouraged him - it was one of his great strengths as well as one of his great weaknesses. Sometimes, he would say in his soft, serious voice, You just have to seed the clouds. There would be a sparkle in his blues eyes and his handsome face would crinkle into a smile. He was in his mid-forties, worn down some but not beaten by a troublesome marriage, not willing to give up his optimism or natural good humor. Not as much of him as I'd liked was passed to me - I am, in many ways, more like my mother - I have her dark side, a touch of her temper and impatience, and all her doubts about my fellow creatures. My daddy gave me the gentler things but oftentimes they pale in comparison and are overshadowed by my flaws.

Growing up I was torn between my emotions for him - I loved him and tried hard to trust him, but there were too often sides to be taken and he wasn't always on mine. Other times we conspired and kept secrets. He was, I finally decided, situational - trying to arbitrate the fastest path to peace without much regard for the truth - there was always more than enough blame to go around and he wanted to bypass it and get to a place where there was calm. He would try to seed the clouds with reason but it was at the expense of fairness and usually ended up badly.

My mother and I were each desperate to win, to be right, to be righteous, but she could make his life far more miserable than could I - a fact we all knew well. She was tragically jealous of her children, of being excluded and unwelcomed and not in control - she hated defiance in all forms and would not tolerate having her authority challenged or questioned. She seeded her own clouds with a slow but steady burning anger, openly or covertly raging against her family and trying to turn us against each other.

We're all rainmakers now and then - expect clear skies and sunshine but always be prepared to run for cover if it starts to pour. You never know who's been seeding the clouds.