A History Lesson

Even when you learn from history, it can still repeat itself.

Before I came to understand that my mother was pathologically unpleasable, I invested no small amount of time and energy trying to win her approval but nothing was ever quite good enough, right enough, quick enough, adequate enough. A lifetime later, I find myself in an eerily similar situation - the harder I try, the less I succeed. This time I have company in my misery, a small comfort to be be sure, but a comfort nonetheless - at least I know I'm not trapped alone, not imagining how bad things really have become. It's not paranoid if they're really after you, as people like to say.

The scars of verbal abuse may not be as visible as bruises but they fade slower and take far longer to heal. People who use this technique tend to be bullies, manipulators and masters of sarcasm with a nasty bite and a flair for hitting their targets. They gnaw at the self esteem of others, gradually corroding away sense of self and dignity like dental decay. They win because they cheat, being far ahead at the start and reinforcing their lead with not so lightly veiled threats and constant heavy handed reminders of who's in charge. Their power is that of the paycheck, reasonable reprimands are too kind when a temper tantrum will do, a shouted and acid tongued answer to a question is easier than an actual response. Employees are ground down gradually, used up and discarded, slyly replaced, emotionally beaten into submission or simply driven off. It's a nasty business all around and it breeds negativity and hostility, anger and defiance. When power becomes a weapon, the user becomes an enemy.

In my imagination and dreams, I yearn to make a statement, a dramatic exit that will leave him high and dry but stranded. It's not impossible that one walkout would pave the way for others, that a fully staffed office might not be suddenly and shockingly unstaffed. It's unlikely, but it's possible - you never really know what your breaking point is until you reach it.