Past the Broken Part

She's gotten past the broken part of being abandoned without explanation, past the fear of the future and providing for her children and keeping her home. She's reached the rage and revenge part, the part that wants to take her husband apart piece by bloody piece and inflict as much pain and suffering as possible - alimony, child support, a public apology, disclosure of his adultery, vindication. She's armed and dangerous with ice water in her veins and not the first thought of mercy - nineteen years of marriage dismissed and trashed, every vow broken and every lie exposed. Nothing short of breaking him totally is going to satisfy her.

It's hard to watch, harder not to take her side, harder still not to offer encouragement and validation. She's been done badly wrong, betrayed and cast off, humiliated and left behind. She never suspected, wasn't prepared, had no idea that her life could be thrown into such total chaos and turned upside down in the time it took to take a breath.

Nothing is quite as final, as irrevocable, as devastating as a breach of trust. A broken promise is a betrayal beyond repair and even that which heals all wounds cannot restore it fully. Faith in another - a husband or a lover or a friend or a parent - balances on experience but shatters when reality comes calling in the form of another woman, another drink, or another lie. You cannot give your heart freely or otherwise if you cannot trust, you will always hold back, always be ready to be harmed, always be brittle. To be betrayed is to carry a burden you cannot put down even if you find forgiveness.

We are frail, imperfect, and struggling. We believe that the emotions of the moment will endure, that love never dies or changes, that a vow taken is endowed with permanence, that relationships never grow stale or musty from lack of care. We turn our attention to other things and get sidetracked with the newer, the younger, the better looking or the forbidden greener grass. No one save the random sociopath sets out to actually inflict harm or take away that which we love and now and then fail to appreciate - life is not nearly so predictable or logical or fair.

The trick is to get by it all, intact and with enough reserve to try again. Past the broken part and the revenge part, there is the sweetness of taking another chance and discovering what it's like to be whole again. We may be frail and imperfect and struggling but we are also resilient and redeemable. We have only to build back enough trust to keep on trying and take the next risk. The rest will come naturally.