Missteps

She is a tiny slip of a thing and you would be hard pressed to believe she has two babies at home and works like a teamster. She has beaten back cancer, a family split apart, foreclosure. She put aside her dreams of nursing school to raise her children and tend her family and she is always the first to step aside for someone else. Her husband's leaving without warning or explanation caught her off guard and she missed a step or two as she tried to make sense of it all although there really was no sense to be had - he had kissed her goodbye that morning and packed his things that night - offering no reason, no apology, no cause. Like a freak summer storm, the weather took a violent and unexpected turn.

Over the course of the weekend, disbelief turned to anger and anger to rage. Her stunned questions went unanswered, her children pleaded for him to stay and all he could do was shrug. The door closed behind him and just like that, he was gone - why, where, for how long - who could say.

Life sometimes consists of no more than putting one foot in front of the other and praying for balance while hoping to avoid trips, falls and broken bones. Our best efforts to keep others on the right path always fail - we can guide but not force another's footsteps. And sometimes no matter that everything we do is right and honest, no matter that there are children involved and no matter that there is no fairness to be had, our lives go wrong or we discover that our faith has been misplaced. The wind can whip up and change and calm seas suddenly become a perfect storm.

She watched him leave, helpless to stop him and too stunned to try, then turned to her babies and got back to the business at hand, one foot in front of the other, praying for balance - it was more reasonable than praying for understanding.

It would have been easy to add my voice to those favoring condemnation and assuring her that she was better off without him or offering her the name of a divorce lawyer, but I hung back from this, partly I suppose because it wasn't my business, partly because I don't know him or what their life has been like, but mostly because the one thing I do know is that decisions made in crisis and rage are bound to be hasty and ill advised. Infidelity may indeed be grounds for divorce, this hidden liaison may have been going on for months or even years but it's equally possible that it's a meaningless fling and can be overcome. So I kept silent and hugged her, made sure she had my number and knew where I would be, and said I would keep her in my prayers.

Judgement and life changing decisions are up to her and I only hope she will find the strength to go a little slow and choose her steps with care. What is forgivable and what is not depends on each of us in a private and sacred kind of way.