A Whirlwind of Negative

As months of the year go, February is my least favorite. The weather tends to be dismal, the paychecks smaller and I feel caught in a gray area between a winter storm and the coming spring - not knowing what to expect from this nasty tempered and unpredictable month. The leather jacket and long sleeves I begin the day with are suffocating by lunch, yet by sundown I'm shivering. I dislike this randomness, this up and down-ness of weather, these dark mornings and darker nights. Depression and doubt are strongest in February, waiting in the shadows for the opportunity of an unguarded moment - the chance to spring into my head and create a whirlwind of negative. October is a sad maiden, melancholy and wistful, but February is a vile tempered old crone, made of menace, sour milk and mood swings.

I battle this creature with music and antidepressants and as much sleep as I can find, trying to keep warm and dry and not give in to the temptation to hide until April. But there is a starkness to this month, a lean and mean quality that makes me think of old men in shabby overcoats and bread lines, empty streets and deserted buildings, the homeless in search of a heating grate, too thin cats and bare tree branches. Everything about this wretched month is pitiful, chilling and too long in passing. There is no inspiration in February.

Spring will come and these feelings will fade. The old crone will be banished to some isolated corner where she will grumble, threaten and make idle threats but no one will listen because by March the birds will be singing and the crepe myrtle will be making its annual comeback. My poor old neglected lawn will turn green once again, despite my total lack of maintenance, and the wild roses will bloom in my neighbor's garden. Scrawny cats will turn fat and sassy once more and I will barely remember these days of half light and uncertainty or how they made me feel.

On the other hand, without the dreariness of February, how could we ever truly appreciate the color and sweetness of April? Let the whirlwind swirl and make its mischief while it can - the weather gods made this a short month for a reason.