Cash Flow

I run out of money twice a month, regular as Nana's old ship clock.

I've learned to be relatively philosophical about it - resigned might be a better choice - over the past couple of years. There is still a roof over my head and there's no danger of it being taken away, the old car is aging but still running most of the time, I have two jobs, both reasonably secure, my animals are warm and well fed, and all things being equal, I'm intact and healthier than most I know in my age bracket. These are not small things in the current environment but I find it annoying to live on a shoestring and I doubt I will ever embrace the concept of a budget - it offends my sense of free will and worse, it's confining, constraining, tiresome and, I'm convinced, bad for the economy.

Sitting on the patio of the restaurant last night with my friend Henry who has been out of work for all of this past year, I was reminded of just how much more dire things could be. A job he did for 20 years and loved went up in smoke. He feels out of options, resources and hope and I listened to him talk for the better part of 2 hours about the job market, the competition, the mindset of businesses/corporations, and the futility of depression and apathy. He didn't deflect or make jokes or hide behind a wall of stoicism, but rather spoke of how it feels to be dependent on government benefits, to have self confidence and pride be turned into self doubt and hesitation and be one of thirty or forty applicants - half his age and all degreed and hungry - in line for an interview. After ten months of searching and struggling, of watching bills mount and threaten to engulf him, of having nothing to do, he feels purposeless and is battling the impulse to retreat and dig in. The light at the end of the tunnel seems farther and farther away and moving rapidly.

Economics and income aside, working for a living gives us a place in life and a reason to get out of bed each morning. We are needed and useful, we provide a service or a product, we have substance and recognition and self esteem. We also stay connected to people, interacting and negotiating on a regular basis, being part of something outside ourselves and being challenged to stay in tune and active. Cash flow matters - we all need to eat and keep body and soul together after all - but life is more than duck, cover, and hold on while you're waiting.