A World of Hurt

Coaxing, bribery, pleading and threats had not worked so Sparrow looked his old mule square in the eyes. If you won't plow, he said, there'll be no garden. No garden means I don't eat and if I don't eat, you don't eat. Now for the last time, will you move your scrawny, sorry ass. The mule brayed but didn't budge, unimpressed by this show of reason and good sense, unmoved by the logic of Sparrow's argument. Smart enough to know when he was beaten, the old ex-pirate gave up in disgust and began the process of unhitching the animal. The mule brayed again and wandered off toward the barn. Lazy, good for nothin' stubborn old fool, Sparrow grumbled, don't never listen and cain't anybody tell 'im anything. I'm done!

Of course, he wasn't, few of us are regardless of how loudly and vehemently we proclaim it. The old mule had won the battle but Sparrow would try again - giving up wasn't in his nature. Knowing when to walk away or give up on a losing fight must be learned through trial, error and experience and we learn the best lessons from our mistakes, when and if we learn at all.

Detachment is a process best understood through practice and doing - rather than disengage and cut ties, we step back and away, giving the problem some space and some freedom, not taking it personally, and letting it work itself out without us. If we tend to our own needs rather than try and control those of others, surprisingly often, left to it's own devices, a problem will resolve itself. We are, inherently, fixers - called upon by some inner drive to repair and not at ease with another's unhappiness or black mood. We want to make things better, not seeing that sometimes sadness or pain must be experienced to be healed and that no amount of intervention or well meaning interference will speed the process. Grief, loss, rage and recovery have their own timetables and will arrive and leave on individual schedules - our own level of comfort or guilt will not change the timing. Emotional self reliance comes through the hard times and if we end up in a world of hurt, we have usually contributed to it.

After a day or two, Sparrow went back to the old mule and the garden was plowed up and put in anew. The trouble between them was forgotten and the vegetables came in with a vengeance, sustaining both man and mule through a long, lonely winter.