I woke with a powerful thirst for chocolate milk and an overwhelming urge to rearrange furniture, both signs of stress. It was just after five am and I know myself well enough to realize that any further attempt at sleep would be wasted so pushing cats and blankets aside, I got up and prepared to face the day. The sun was up but feeling weak and unsure of itself and the sky was still grayish. This was a day that could go either way.
Fourteen hours, a touch of heatstroke and three closets later, it began to dawn on me that this manic behavior might be related to my anti-depressant medication which had not arrived, likely trapped somewhere in customs between here and Canada. Through the day I had battled chills, sweats, chills and sweats at the same time, several bouts of vomiting and a low grade, nagging headache, all tell tale signs of seretonin withdrawal. I called my friend Michael, a veritable warehouse of pharmaceuticals and assorted drugs, and he arrived immediately with a substitute medicine. The following morning I woke right as rain - better living through chemistry, as the ad says. I am - who isn't - susceptible to the temptation of the quick fix. Cures come in prescription pads and pill bottles because it's simpler, faster, and less work. We're inclined to mask pain rather than treat it and attack symptoms rather than causes in the interests of getting on to whatever next thing it is that we're already late for. It's a silly way to live but it makes sense in a mortal sort of way - time is slipping away despite our best efforts and we don't have time for illness or incapacitation. We might miss something.
Fourteen hours, a touch of heatstroke and three closets later, it began to dawn on me that this manic behavior might be related to my anti-depressant medication which had not arrived, likely trapped somewhere in customs between here and Canada. Through the day I had battled chills, sweats, chills and sweats at the same time, several bouts of vomiting and a low grade, nagging headache, all tell tale signs of seretonin withdrawal. I called my friend Michael, a veritable warehouse of pharmaceuticals and assorted drugs, and he arrived immediately with a substitute medicine. The following morning I woke right as rain - better living through chemistry, as the ad says. I am - who isn't - susceptible to the temptation of the quick fix. Cures come in prescription pads and pill bottles because it's simpler, faster, and less work. We're inclined to mask pain rather than treat it and attack symptoms rather than causes in the interests of getting on to whatever next thing it is that we're already late for. It's a silly way to live but it makes sense in a mortal sort of way - time is slipping away despite our best efforts and we don't have time for illness or incapacitation. We might miss something.
Pills have their place but sometimes you just have to do the work your own self. The shortcuts to sanity or sleep or peace of mind may get you there faster but you have to stay put under your own steam. Like most shortcuts, life is better the long way 'round.
1 comment:
Great lesson -- especially for a birthday.
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