Telephone Sales

Good morning, and she said my name in a cheerful and sunny tone of voice, My name is Deborah and I'm a lay minister with the Christian Brotherhood of Friars.

How nice for you, Deborah, I said brightly, I worship Satan, myself, so please don't call me again. And I hung up the telephone.

Telephone solicitation is one of those by products of technology that annoy the blazes out of me and depending on my mood which is not usually all that receptive at 7:30 on a Monday morning, I simply hang up, ask to be removed from their call list, or on rare occasions such as this morning, fire back wiith lightning speed and nasty wit which I almost always come to regret. Those unfit for anything else, even the call in windows at the local MacDonald's seem to gravitate to telephone solicitation and I should probably be more charitable but somehow these invasions of my privacy bring out the worst in me.

Hi, my name is Stephen and I want to tell you about our latest offer in funeral insurance.
I feel an evil grin coming on and say pleasantly, Well, Steve, give me your home number and I'll call you tonight.
There's a pause before old Steve finally says I don't take calls at home, ma'am.
And just before I slam the receiver down in old Steve's ear, I get to say Well, Steve, neither do I.

There are calls about siding, every imaginable kind of insurance, software, telephone directory listings, starving children, cable, house painting, telephone service, magazines, dating services, car dealers, plastic surgery, pet sitting services, credit cards, lawn care, time shares, debt relief and now even religion. I much preferred the days when they doorbell rang and I could threaten them with a maniacal dog - Maya would slam into the door, saliva dripping and teeth bared, snarling and barking out of control. She doesn't like strangers, I would say sweetly and my doorstep would clear immediately.

May I speak to the person in charge of your health insurance? The voice is foreign, bored, agressive. No, I answer with a deep sigh, He's dead.