Common Ground

The house sat on a slight rise surrounded by graceful old trees, immaculate landscaping and a well kept lawn. As we turned into the long, curving driveway, I heard my daddy catch his breath and say in a surprised and despairing whisper, Oh, my God. Beside him, my mother had turned ashen at the sight of the house and was mutely staring.
If there had been any doubt in my mind that this meeting of families was going to be a mistake, it dissolved in seconds. Relax, I said brightly, they're just plain folks. I was surprised at how effortless the lie had been, how easily it had been to say. Seeing the fear and worry so plainly on my daddy's face, my husband did his best. It's just drinks and dinner, he said reassuringly, no big deal. Honestly.

He had been raised in this grand house and he took his wealth for granted. His mother opened the front door, arms thrown wide in welcome and smiling. Come in this house! She hugged me and then each of my parents and finally her only son. She was a beautifully maintained and genuine southern lady and she had standards about hospitality and entertaining guests. Intuitively, she bypassed the formal living room and gently led my parents into the less intimidating family room. Still chattering cheerfully, she casually drew the curtains across the glass doors that led to the terrace and the swimming pool and the enormous expanse of back yard and gestured for us to sit.
Quick thinking as she was, my mother in law was not quick enough to stop Rosie who appeared in her black and white uniform carrying a tray of glasses. This was followed by a bucket of champagne and a platter of appetizers. Unaccustomed to servants and swimming pools, my parents sat in a dazed sort of silence trying to take in the lifestyle I'd married into. My inlaws, good and kind people, kept the conversation going despite the odds, trying hard to put my mother and daddy at ease but there were miles between them - miles made up of far more than geography.

Rosie served dinner with her ususal courtesy and quiet efficiency and the atmosphere seemed to become a shade more comfortable by dessert and coffee. My daddy relaxed enough to become talkative and my mother, having passed on the champagne, was on her best behavior and in the words of Jimmy Stewart, "The evening wore on." Someone suggested a game of bridge and I almost heard ice breaking as the two sets of parents gathered round the game table and began a spirited and evenly matched card game. My husband gave me a good natured "told you so" look and I began to breathe normally again.

Sometimes I think we may not be as far apart as we would like to believe. And while the search for common ground may be littered with obstacles and sandtraps - even treacherously so - it's as good a place to begin as any.