The Adventures of Crystal

My friend Michael has been out of town for three days. In that small amount of time, I have retrieved or confiscated the following from the new dog, a young and wildly puppy-ish pit bull mix named Crystal.

3 throw pillows

1 copy paperback edition of “So You Want To Be A Model”

2 sheets postage stamps

1 luggage tag

1 box Papermate black fine point ballpoint pens

1 tube Elmer’s Glue

1 hair brush

1 container non-dairy creamer

1 sofa cushion

4 rolls toilet paper

1 tube Rembrant whitening toothpaste

1 Shell credit card

1 pair Geoffrey Beene mens briefs

1 spatula

1 package of light bulbs

1 bag peppermint candies

I pair Armani mens black dress shoes

2 and ½ pair Calvin Klein socks

3/4 box manilla file folders

1 cell phone charger cord

1 pack cinnamon Altoids

1 retractable dog leash

1 portable flashlight

1 bag peanut butter cups

1 whisk broom

1 package of shoelaces

1 fringed lamp shade

1 plastic Sweet Tea bottle

3 ketchup packets

1 box of Sweet & Low

1 package of coffee filters

2 dishtowels

1 scrubber kitchen sponge

2 pairs of flip flops

1 artificial ivy plant

1 wicker waste basket

1 3 ring binder

1 tube of vita lip mint oil

We have been Crystal-Lized.