Parking Lot Games

The saving grace was that it happened in the parking lot of the grocery store so neither of us was traveling at much more then 15 mph. I had the right of way when the shiny black Jeep

ran the stop sign and crossed directly in front of me. I slammed on my brakes and the little

blue car spun sideways, missing the Jeep by no more than a whisker. My window was open and the words were out and hanging in the crisp November air before I knew it.

YOUMISERABLESTUPIDBUTTSNIFFINGMOTHERFUCKINGSONOFALOWLIFEWHOREPIECEOFSHITLOOKWHEREYOU'REGOING!!!

The driver of the Jeep, a youngish blonde woman in a red MAGA hat, gave me an oblivious, careless wave and drove on.

WHERE'DYOUGETYOURLICENSESEARSANDFUCKINGROEBARDS! I screamed and leaned on the horn hard.

The near miss had me shaking so hard I had no time for punctuation. The Chevy pickup who had been behind the Jeep gave me a thumbs up and a sympathetic smile then gestured for me to drive ahead. Instead, I wrenched the steering wheel to the left and took off after the Jeep, not even considering what I intended to do if I caught it. That red MAGA hat burned in my vision and it suddenly seemed as if everything that was wrong with the world was driving that goddamned Jeep. I sped up and caught her at the parking lot exit, took note of the Anti Abortion and NRA and Trump 2020 stickers plastered on the vehicle's back end and whipped out my cell phone and snapped a picture. She noticed and immediately plowed into and through oncoming traffic. There was an explosion of blaring horns and screeching brakes but somehow no collisions.

I caught my breath enough to shake my fist and yell some final insult about her mother and alligators eating their young, then came to my senses and pulled into a parking space to regroup, calm down and console myself with a vision of the dumb bitch in a six car pile up where only she was hurt. Maybe her Jeep would catch on fire, I thought hopefully, maybe it would explode and send her and her red hat to kingdom come. Even when calm and rational thought returned much later, I couldn't bring myself to take any of it back. I don't often wish people dead these days, at least not like I used to, but some folks are just too deserving.