Running Out of Light

It's not easy to admit, but there have been times - fleeting moments, to be sure - when the idea of suicide was almost comprehensible to me. There's a certain seductiveness to the idea of saying fuck it, I don't care anymore, I'm done. I know there are those who say it's selfish or the coward's way out but in my heart, I think it must take extraordinary courage to end your life, to utterly give up on the idea that things might get better, might change. Darkness almost always gives way to light if you can just hold on for another day or another few hours.

My friend Bud reached a point of letting go this past week. He'd had some health issues, to be sure, but nothing life threatening or hopeless. He wasn't in excructiating physical pain or poverty stricken or facing any kind of crisis. He had friends and family, a home, a dog and his music but it wasn't enough. He just ran out of light.

I hope and pray he's found some peace and that those he leaves behind will eventually come to terms with his death and forgive him for his absence. Darkness threatens us all at one time or another.