You
don't have to be in this old world very long before you learn that
people will disappoint you, but somehow the later life surprises
leave a bitter taste. Recently I've seen a woman friend beneath her
mask and it wasn't pretty. I wasn't so much troubled by finding the
malice and anger underneath as I was by never suspecting there was a
mask at all. Where, I wonder, was my natural cynicism in the face of
all this goodness and light?
To
be honest, I suppose I'm more annoyed with my own self for not seeing
more clearly. I've known her for years, always admired and respected
her, held her up as an example and even tried to emulate her at
times. I've never heard her say or seen her write anything even in
the neighborhood of ugly about anyone, not ever. She was a model of
kindness, of charity, of fairness. When she was maligned at a
difficult time after a nasty breakup, she never answered in kind,
always embracing the idea that you never know the battles or demons
others are fighting. I've defended her and was proud and grateful to
call her a friend. Even when faced with proof of the harm she's
tried to do, my mind fights against it.
The
betrayal is made sharper because I'm not one who sees the good in
everyone. Again, to be honest, I gave up looking years ago. If
there's a lesson here, maybe it's about my own flaws and how I can
still be taken in. We're all easy prey for someone.
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