Friday, August 05, 2016

Zero to Apocalypse in Three Seconds Flat

One minute I'm having a perfectly civilized conversation with a client and the next I'm in the middle of the apocalypse. A woman with a chubby little weiner dog on a leash has actually dared walk down the sidewalk in front of the house and all four dogs go mad and mindless, overturning furniture, charging panic-stricken at the doors and windows, furiously tearing down the curtains and barking as if the end of the world is on their doorstep. The poor – and until this point, unsuspecting - telephone repairman innocently at work in the other room cowers behind Michael's desk. He's brandishing an industrial sized flashlight protectively in front of him and his eyes are as big as saucers.

Don't panic! I shout at him as I pass, It won't last long!

He doesn't look reassured so I backtrack and shut the connecting door before heading down the hall to break up the riot. At first, it's a little like wading into a swamp of defiant alligators but once the little weiner dog is out of sight, the dust settles and with another deadly threat neutralized, all four dogs crowd around me looking proud and self-satisfied. I herd the two little ones and the old pit upstairs, right and re-attach the crashed gate, and then lead the cur dog back into my office. It's several more minutes before I remember the telephone repairman and by the time I give him the all clear, he's aged a bit.

Does that happen often? he wants to know, peering out at me apprehensively.

It sounds worse than it is, I tell him and shrug, You get used to it.

He shudders and shakes his head, nervously re-attaches the flashlight to his toolbelt and after several over the shoulder backward glances, resumes his inspection of the junction box. I have the distinct feeling this minor brush with the dark side has made him anxious to finish and make his escape and I can't say as I blame him. I often have the very same feelings.





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