Old Dogs, New Tricks

At fourteen, the black dog is still an emotional wreck and a holy terror but she doesn't have the spring in her step she used to when it comes to jumping.  She charges fiercely at the bed only to stop in mid-jump once she reaches it.  Then, like a sprinter, she backs up to get a running start and tries again.  She repeats this process a half dozen times, each attempt getting her closer but not to her goal.  It may be time to make a concession to her age.

Hold on there, tiger, I tell her and slip my hands under her belly to lift her onto the bed where she will, in a matter of minutes, immediately jump off and be back to square one.

The little dachshund doesn't bother with all the trying - he simply paws at me to get my attention and signal that he wants up - and I lift him easily.  His little short legs  and low slung little body aren't designed to jump and the breed is notorious for back and spine injuries.

Age and breeding against me, I finally give in and go on line in search of pet steps.  I'm not at all sure this will be wisely spent money but as my own back isn't getting any younger, I decide to try.

It's amazing what's out there - plastic steps, wooden steps, carpeted steps, fold-up steps, steps that convert to ramps and ramps that convert to steps, narrow steps, wide steps, non-skid steps, steps with side rails.

Good grief, I tell the black dog as I deposit her yet again on the bed and hear her jump down a few minutes later, What happened to simple?

I choose wooden for durability and workmanship, carpeted for stability, and a paw print design just because.

I have a suspicion that a couple of plain old 1X6 boards with a length of carpet glued on would do just as well but apparently fashion matters in the world of doggy steps - who am I to criticize a trend - and besides, I'd hate for word to get out that I was being chintzy with my little ones.  I'm absolutely sure they gossip through the fence with the Maltese next door.

The real question, of course, isn't about fashion or cost or ergonomics, but teaching old dogs new tricks.  Will they use a set of carpeted, wooden steps with a pawprint design?  No telling til we try.

It's said that when Dorothy Parker was asked to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence, she gave the following now infamous reply - You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

God preserve satire and elder dogs and the people who love them.