Wake Me in November

Where have you been, my musician friend Jeff wants to know as he gives me a hug, Haven't seen you or your camera in a dog's age!

I smile and mumble something about having a lot on my plate the past few weeks but I don't give out details.

Although I love him dearly, he isn't the kind who really wants to know and he'd stop listening after the first few words anyway.  

I'm here now, I tell him brightly, So grab that guitar and show me what you've got!

Of course, it's more than his natural narcissism that keeps me quiet.  I have taken a step back these past few weeks and I'm not entirely sure why.  Certainly part of it is trying to make lifestyle changes to please the wretched cardiologist.  Part of it is the chaos of having a new kitten.  Part of it is being so dismally angry about the government - or lack of it - part of it is the weight of work.  But mostly, I've lost my motivation and haven't the inclination or the energy to leave home.  I wonder, although only vaguely, if it's depression setting in - it is, after all, October, my least favorite month and the one where I'm most susceptible to negative feelings and thoughts.  I can't explain it except to say the mornings are dark and the light is sad.  The good news, if the past is to be believed, is that it will pass in another couple of weeks.  But for now, all I want is to sleep 'til it's done with.

Nevertheless, I have obligations.  It takes considerable effort but I shower and change and make my way to the studio for this month's folk series concert.  Sunday nights don't usually draw substantial audiences and this night is no exception but those who are there are appreciative and happy to come in out of the cold.  The music is introspective and a little dark at times - long, drawn out blues with emphasis on the minor chords - but then followed up with rambling, silly songs about high school football that make the crowd laugh outloud.
Despite my mood, the lyrics make me smile and though my heart isn't as much in it as I would like, I'm satisfied with my photographs and glad I was there.

So for now, I muddle on, putting one foot in front of the other, trying to find a happy face and not give in to the urge to hide.  It's just October and everything's a worry.

Wake me in November.