Thoughts from the Sun Room

Late afternoon sunlight filters through the partially open blinds in the sun room.  There's a gentle breeze from the ceiling fan and the scent of azaleas drifts in through the open window.  It's uncommonly quiet - with the cats not stirring and the dogs stretched out on all sides of me - a rare time for me, peaceful and comfortable after a long and tiring day.  The whole neighborhood and even the dog next door seem to be sleeping.  For no special reason, I begin to consider how lucky I am and how extraordinarily kind life has been.

Tomorrow is Friday and the weekend beckons.  I have plans for music and taking pictures and sleeping in with the animals - the Farmers Market is in full swing and if I get there early enough, I may avoid the worst heat.
The roof doesn't leak, it's payday, and housebreaking the little daschund is finally going well.  All in all, it would be hard to ask for more...

I wonder that by the time I get to being satisfied with life I've spent more or it than I have left - seems like a poorly thought out plan to me - but it does tend to focus me on each day which seems like a damn fine plan to me.  I think of the past and the future but try and live in the present since as I'm too often reminded, it's all we really have.  This was driven home to me again recently - Though we haven't been close in a dozen or so years, the news of an old friend's just diagnosed cancer strikes close to my heart and leaves me unsettled.  It's the best kind of bad news, my friend Tricia tells me, caught early and not the small cell kind that kills in a matter of months - but still.  There's a sense of unreality about it, as if we're talking about a character in a book and not someone I care for, not a living, breathing, flesh and blood friend.   

I haven't kept up with his life these past years, nor he with mine - absence may make the heart grow fonder but it can also make it forgetful and a little thoughtless.  Feelings, like well running engines, need routine care and maintenance or they rust with neglect and disuse.  The good news is that they can be cleaned, repaired, and restored to good working order - a little oil here, a part there - they may not be good as new and the labor can be intense but they'll get you where you want to go.  Without meaning to, I think we all sometimes allow things to slip away, even things that are precious to us - we get distracted or busy or drift in different directions.  We put off returning a telephone call or sending a quick thank you note, bypass making a last minute invitation, arrive late and leave early.  Soon friends turn into acquaintances and acquaintances into people we used to know and never see anymore.  As a general rule, I don't believe in regrets but every rule has an exception and there are people and places I've let time and distance take from me, as well as those that I've given a not so gentle shove to.  I wish it wasn't so.  No one has so many friends that they can't do with one more, I remind myself.

Life isn't always kiss and make up and there are times when it's hard to know how to put things right.  Or if you need to.  Or if you should.  Now and again, doing nothing is the wisest action.