Tuesday, February 14, 2012

False Spring

Headed out on a chilly and slightly gray Monday morning, I realize with more than a little surprise that I'm looking forward to work - it's a distantly familiar feeling and not one I recognize right away -  having come to feel trapped in my current job, I'm caught off guard by my lack of negative expectations and not sure how to feel at this new prospect.  I give the matter serious consideration while driving, searching for an explanation, trying to identify what, if anything, has changed.


It's February, normally a dismal and cold month, despite the cheerful chatter of the sparrows on the telephone wires.  Robins have been fluttering about the clinic for weeks now, gathering materials for new nests and preparing.  Our winter has been unusually kind this year, mostly warm and rainy and more like April, what my grandmother would've called "a false spring".  Flowers are in bloom too early, people say, the earth hasn't slept long enough yet and there's still time for a turnaround - perhaps we fear this good fortune and don't want to jinx it. Most people I know are exceedingly cautious about the next couple of months, as if Mother Nature might still have a punch to throw.  I wonder at how we are afraid to trust a good patch won't last but so willing to believe that a bad one won't end.


The end of a comfortably busy day comes and we pack it in and head for our respective homes while it's still light. I'm still trying to puzzle out what's different - certainly not the doctor, not the patients, not the software, the weather or the light - but something has changed.  I feel it in the air, in the nurses, in myself.  For whatever unknown reason, we're in a good patch and the question becomes to trust or question it, expect it will last or prepare for a sudden bad end.



The wisest course may be to do nothing at all and see where it takes us.  Not every year brings a false spring but not every early spring proves false and there's not much point in examining this mysterious change - it is what it is and will either continue or change again.




When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly





























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