A Change of Heart

Until he left for college, he had never given a second's thought to the basics - how his bed came to made every morning, how his favorite foods were always in the house, how the carelessly dropped towels in his bathroom rehung themselves so neatly, how his shirts made it from the floor to being starched and pressed and in the closet twice a week. Turning his back on the family money and vowing never to trade on their name, he boarded a plane and headed for the East Coast, independence and freedom. He grew his hair shockingly long, learned to smoke and drink, dropped out of school after one semester and hawked the local underground paper on street corners to pay the rent. This was his revolutionary period, far away from home and on his own and while it only lasted a few years, it changed him for a time.

True natures, however, may go into hiding but they are destined to assert themselves in the end. Back at home, his long hair was out of place, his lifestyle didn't fit, his values were challenged. The good life was a nine to five job and a haircut away and it didn't take long before he changed back, adjusting his language, his morals, and his politics to fit the family system. Country club membership soon followed and then a divorce or two and a few family Christmases, and with surprisingly little effort or resistance, he had rejoined the ranks of the upper class from which he came. His place had been saved from the day he'd left.

Reclaiming his rightful position paid off - there was a new wife, skillfully modeled after his own mother, a new home in an exclusive zip code, his own business, travel to all the right places. He wore three piece suits with practiced ease and learned about wine, antiques, and the symphony. His name began appearing on donor lists of charitable givers and campaigns to help the less fortunate and in no time he had accepted his legacy, fully prepared to take the reins and be molded and groomed into a proper heir. His entitlement mindset was the last detail to be added and he was complete, his true nature reestablished and in full control. He was never to look back.

Despite the money and the dream home and the ideal wife, despite the name recognition and the success, the power and the right clothes, there's a hollowness to him these days. He laughs a little too loudly, fights a little too hard to be the center of attention and tries a little too hard. Something inside him is empty and walled off, far away, out of reach and forgotten and he pretends it's not.

There's still a fragment of fight the system blue collar in his white collar world and it won't be reconciled - there's a price to paid for each change of heart and while by some things we are made stronger, by others we are diminished.

Strange, how often we get to where we're going and it's exactly the same place as where we started from.