Check to Check to Chicken

I have a theory that ordinary people with money, don't think about those without.

Under our new system, we were to turn in hours on the 10th and 25th of each month. Paychecks, we were told, would follow 5 days later, thereby always keeping us a week behind. Despite the fact that we were only told of this new arrangement after it was put into effect, no one protested - any consistency was welcome for those of us struggling to live check to check and weary of paydays that often seemed like an afterthought. So came the 30th of August - my grocery list was in my purse, our little nurse had promised her children hamburgers for supper, and a coworker had assured her day care center that she would stop by that evening to catch up her bill. What is it that you don't understand? the doctor had snapped when we questioned him, You're paid on the 1st and 15th, simple as that. Shall I draw you a picture? And with a shoulder shrug of dismissal, he walked away, unwilling to even hear a word about this latest discrepancy in communication. Even the part about the 1st and the 15th hadn't been literally true, I thought bitterly, since checks were cut else where and we frequently didn't receive them until the 3rd of the 17th - the difference in days was critical to us, a matter of no concern to him.

Anger, fueled by stress and a vague but sharpening sense of betrayal and being taken advantage of, of being treated like a nuisance and a not very bright one at that, began to build within me. The headache that had been trying to come on all day - for a long string of days if I were to choose to be honest about it - broke free with a sudden and clarifying vengeance - people with money don't think about people without it, I thought again, To hell with this.

Predictably, the first telephone call the following morning was an apology - he'd been tired and out of sorts and hadn't meant to be impatient ( rude? ) or uncivil ( sarcastic? ). And this is where the part about taking my own advice comes in - Let it go, I told myself sternly, Get past it and don't make it an issue. And while a part of me wanted to do just that, the natural cynic in me grabbed the reins and my stubborn side fought back. I know how you feel, he had assured me and then suggested that direct deposit would solve the problem. When was the last time you couldn't feed your child, I wanted to ask, When was the last time you couldn't afford cat food or had to choose between keeping the lights on and buying gasoline? When was the last time you were actually uncomfortable with the financial side of your life? The concept that he could have the remotest idea how I felt was laughable, condescending, and patently false. It was, I finally began to see, a tactic and I resented that it might have worked in less dire circumstances. Sadly, I am disinclined to let it go - I think it speaks to a larger problem.

People with money don't think about people without it. It's not malice or arrogance or indifference, just a simple and straightforward lack of awareness, an unwillingness to allow an unpleasant reality access to their busy lives. When confronted with it, they're surprised and defensive, impatient to bypass it and in the case of employers, anxious to shed their responsibility to soothe their own conscience. A problem ignored is not a problem.

I can accept this or not, move on or not, stay angry and resentful or not. Either way, the bills will keep on coming and the cats will need to be fed. Gone the carefree college days, the two income married days, the living on love days. The question remains, is there enough chicken in the freezer to feed us all?