Insomnia and I go way back - we are old friends and adversaries.
Nights pass slowly when I can't sleep and my mind churns with frustration and fragmented thoughts, little snippets of conversations or story lines, random colors and the flickering images on my screen savers all fight for my attention. I toss and turn, unable to find a comfortable position or keep my eyes shut. I hear the air conditioning come on and go off, every breath the small brown dog takes, the black dog's nails as she trots across the wood floors. I count sheep and recite song lyrics, get up and take a hot bath, get up and take a double dose of sleeping pills, run through a list of state capitols, Gary Cooper movies, animals that begin with A. I mentally name The Seven Dwarfs, The Twelve Disciples, The Ten Commandments, The Seven Deadly Sins ( and Cardinal Virtues ), The Eight Wonders of The World and The Nine Circles of Hell. I hear the digital clock tick off the minutes. I go through The Five Stages of Grief, The Twelve Steps of AA and The Twelve Days of Christmas, every dog breed I can remember, The Ten Canadian Provinces ( I always forget Newfoundland ), The 23rd Psalm and the Apostle's Creed. And still the clock ticks off the minutes and sleep slips further and further out of reach. At quarter til four I give up and try reading then an old movie and finally at quarter after five, I give my concession speech and it's game, set, and match to insomnia. The animals are restless and I suspect it's going to be a long day.
I see the sunrise more mornings than I would like or need and by late afternoon this all nighter will have taken it's toll. Life doesn't wait for me to catch up.
Nights pass slowly when I can't sleep and my mind churns with frustration and fragmented thoughts, little snippets of conversations or story lines, random colors and the flickering images on my screen savers all fight for my attention. I toss and turn, unable to find a comfortable position or keep my eyes shut. I hear the air conditioning come on and go off, every breath the small brown dog takes, the black dog's nails as she trots across the wood floors. I count sheep and recite song lyrics, get up and take a hot bath, get up and take a double dose of sleeping pills, run through a list of state capitols, Gary Cooper movies, animals that begin with A. I mentally name The Seven Dwarfs, The Twelve Disciples, The Ten Commandments, The Seven Deadly Sins ( and Cardinal Virtues ), The Eight Wonders of The World and The Nine Circles of Hell. I hear the digital clock tick off the minutes. I go through The Five Stages of Grief, The Twelve Steps of AA and The Twelve Days of Christmas, every dog breed I can remember, The Ten Canadian Provinces ( I always forget Newfoundland ), The 23rd Psalm and the Apostle's Creed. And still the clock ticks off the minutes and sleep slips further and further out of reach. At quarter til four I give up and try reading then an old movie and finally at quarter after five, I give my concession speech and it's game, set, and match to insomnia. The animals are restless and I suspect it's going to be a long day.
I see the sunrise more mornings than I would like or need and by late afternoon this all nighter will have taken it's toll. Life doesn't wait for me to catch up.
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