Bridges to Cross

By late afternoon, the slim, pretty, mild mannered January day had turned into an ugly tempered, old curmudgeon with a frostbitten and evil nature - a reminder to me that change can happen in the blink of an eye, often when we're the least prepared for it. Sunshine and warmth had turned to dark skies and freezing rain and through the darkness I made a frantic run for the car, hoping to dodge puddles and not skid on the icy parking lot, fall and break a hip. Safely in the car, I said a small prayer for it to start and made my way home through the sleet and icy roadways, thankful there were no bridges to cross between me and home. The dogs met me at the door, as if I'd been away for years, jumping, barking, filled with welcome and joy. All was right with their world despite the thunder and winter lightning outside - the storm at the door was not their concern.

We live in two cities divided by a river and connected by several different bridges. When the weather takes a turn for the wintry and you're on the wrong side of the river, an iced over bridge is the only way home. Businesses close, the city's tiny fleet of sand trucks begin their rounds, and traffic crawls with anxious travelers determined not to be stranded by a river's width's of cold water. We make our own decisions and some of us cross and some turn back. Whatever we decide will bring consequences.

I often look back at the decisions I've made - the bridges I've crossed - and wonder about them, considering the consequences and the possibilities of different choices. Each bridge offers a different view, a different risk, a different reward. But they all lead somewhere for a reason. In fantasy, I dream about being able to see the future and what it may or may not bring. I wonder if it's really all laid out in advance and predestined or happenstance,
dependent on what I decide today or next week or next year. The part of me that has never seen uncertainty as a friend is desperate to know - the other part, risky as it is, wants to stay in the dark and be surprised.

I think that maybe in our choices and dreams, goals and ambitions, in our everyday lives, we are all contradiction, living in a shades of gray world.