Demons at a Distance

You can't outrun your demons, no matter how fast you are or how good your endurance. They 're like shadows and they always keep pace. Sometimes it's a victory just to keep them at a distance.

I try to keep in mind that everybody has them - they may not be visible or understandable, they may not even be real, but we all have them. One way or another, at some point, they have to be confronted and fought. It's a part of the human condition, I suppose, to avoid this as long as possible, but in the end there's really no other choice. No matter how hard we might wish it, demons do not simply go away until we look them straight in the eyes and refuse to back down. For me, it has taken most of my life to find the courage to do this - the voices in my head still speak loudly, just not as often, and they sense every moment of vulnerability. Their timing is impeccable - steering clear when I'm strong and happy, pouncing when I'm at a low point and easily taken advantage of. The truth is that I don't always need them but when I do, I know just where to go and that is a demon in and of itself. Realizing that most of my demons are self made and survive only because I care for them and feed them is a jolt. Deny them shelter and safety and they look elsewhere for a home.

I am beginning to learn that there are some shortcuts, some things that demons don't like - friendship, for instance - kindness, compassion, peace of mind, and of course the warmth of love or the ties that we choose to bind us together. In the face of genuine happiness, demons may hiss and gesture but they can do us no harm, they are no more than fears built on memories and they can be dismantled. So I let them do their mad dances at a distance, make their scenes and empty threats, stir their pots with a vengeance and shriek curses to the skies.

I don't have to invite them in.