Soap & Shoe Leather

 

Convinced the cur dog has stolen his jerky treat, the little pit mix turns on him in a fury of snarling and snapping jaws and frantic barking. He fights back with equal ferocity, sinking his teeth into the little one’s neck and trying to shake him off. Before I can get them separated, the female pit joins the fray, not caring who she can try to tear apart as long as she’s part of the confrontation. I amaze myself with my own coordination – several swift kicks to the cur dog, one hand grabbing at the little pit, and the other hauling off the female with a nearly malicious twist of her collar. I get resentful looks from all three but I’ve intervened in time and there’s no bloodletting so I beat them all within an inch of their lives, sort of, and then lock each into a solitary time out.

“Miserable goddam dogs!” I holler at them and slam the door behind me, “Got the manners of savages!”

I spend a relatively quiet forty-five minutes at my desk and then reluctantly release them. They are wide eyed with innocence and the unfairness of it all.

“For two cents and a bus token,” I tell them sternly, “I’d have ya’ll turned into soap and shoe leather and get a cat.”

It’s an empty threat and they know it. They trail after me, barely chastized, nipping at each others heels, pushing and shoving to be first out the door. One alpha dog is a challenge, Two are a nightmare. Three are bedlam. They descend the steps like a 3 car pile up, regain their footing, and make a mad dash for the back fence where one of the neighborhood ferals is watching calmly and being singularly unimpressed by this display of ferocity. The barking is frenzied and hysterical but the cat is unmoved, unequivocally staring them down with the kind of defiance seen only in stray cats and right wing republicans. When she’s ready, she walks away, tail held high, stepping lightly and in no hurry. The exhausted dogs watch in desperate despair as their prey casually wanders off.

If cats could join social media, I suspect they’d scroll right past offensive posts. Dogs would engage at every opportunity. Cats know you don’t have to dance just because some damn fool asks you.