Unfixable

It's a hard lesson and often it takes decades to learn but the fact is, not everything is fixable.

If it were up to me, animal abusers, child molesters and rapists would be publicly castrated and then executed on the court house lawns in as lengthy and excruciating painful a manner as we could think of.

If it were up to me, the inventors of shrink wrap plastic and child resistant pill bottles would be staked out atop fire ant mounds and wrapped in yellow fever blankets.

If it were up to me, every greedy, crooked politician would be stripped naked and hanged in a public square. Twice. And it would be televised.

Such are my dreams these days. I've lived too long and am too tired and broken down to be tactful or superficially nice. I do not, as Salvatore Dali famously said, understand voluntary idiocy.

Until now, my friend Michael has always been able to pull a last minute rabbit out of a last minute hat. Somehow, he's always managed to come up with some scheme or new approach and save the day for himself and the agency and I've been constantly amazed at his persistence and optimism and ability to rebound even from the most dire of circumstances. Until now, I thought it was just a matter of time and creative energy but in recent days and weeks, I realize it's far more serious. I've witnessed him wrack his brain for a solution. I've watched him drive himself into a suicidal depression over paying the bills and feeding his dogs. I've listened to his every desperate and impossible idea. I've heard him wonder aloud, what's the point. I lose sleep for worrying about the future. I can't remember ever seeing a man so utterly and completely miserable, without hope and on the very brink of defeat. Things will look brighter in the morning, I tell him, but the words are hollow and we both know it. The plain fact is that what he does is no longer wanted, no longer attractive, no longer relevant. Modeling has become entitled and frivolous, acting is now a do-it-yourself art. Everybody wants to be an instant star but nobody wants to put in the time or do the work. The big modeling conventions of the past are over, the glory days behind us and everybody still hanging on is scrambling for a new approach or fresh revenue source. Mostly we're all out of ideas.

I try to keep in mind that sometimes things fix themselves if we can manage to stop interfering. Meanwhile, we muddle on, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, hoping for a turnaround, a better economy, or a miracle.

It's A Cat Thing

The youngest cat watches me walking toward her but it doesn't occur to her to get out of my way. The very second I step over her though, she puts it in gear and skitters backwards. When I compensate to avoid stepping on her, I lose my balance and abruptly find myself on the floor. She watches from a safe distance and I'm absolutely, positively convinced it was an intentional act on her part. She has developed an amazing talent for being indifferently underfoot and/or in the way.

I am not her only target, of course. When she's not running randomly from room to room and feverishly meowing with every other step, she lies in wait - around corners, behind doors, under furniture - for the other cats. She's not much on technique, seems quite content to wait for them to pass by then launching herself like a heat seeking missile. Even when she misses, which is pretty often, the target cat is startled and defensive and a quarrel invariably follows each ambush. It sounds quite a bit worse than it actually is but it's still enough to rattle my nerves and aggravate the dogs, both of whom are unexpectedly tolerant of her. They patiently let her chew on their ears, knead their bellies and even steal their food with barely a whimper. On the rare occasion that she crosses the line, there might be a low growl from the little dachshund but it's perfunctory at best, and usually ignored.

About the time I decide I could cheerfully smother her with her own double paws, she changes tactics and quietly crawls up on the love seat, burrowing into my side and purring like a runaway jackhammer. I scratch her ears and under her chin and she looks at me with those trusting and totally innocent green eyes. My mad instantly fades away and my impatience and aggravation with her evaporate. It's a cat thing.

This Way Out

The look on the cashier's face said it all. It was a mix of weariness, veiled anger, and the certain knowledge that saying what he really thought would get him fired. The customer, a tree trunk of a man in a vile temper, slammed his fists on the check writing platform.

“Where's your supervisor at, white bread?” he demanded. My head snapped up and there was an audible gasp from the people behind me in line. The cashier sighed and reached for the intercom. The customer fumed.

A supervisor arrived and quietly explained to the customer exactly what the cashier had already said. The customer narrowed his eyes and leaned toward the supervisor.

“Figures you'd take his side, Uncle Tom,” he said nastily.

The supervisor's jaw dropped and from behind the barrier of the customer service counter, I saw someone reach for the telephone. The people behind me began moving away to other registers.

A second supervisor appeared, followed almost immediately by a uniformed officer resting one hand casually on his gunbelt. I was thinking that the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups weren't worth it and wishing hard I'd chosen a different line. I wasn't in any danger (it crossed my mind that that was probably exactly what the letter carrier was thinking just before he was shot to death a few door down from my house) but the whole thing was giving me butterflies in my belly. As with any confrontation or even the threat of one, I had an all consuming desire to run. Raised voices make me sick with fear.

Luckily, the big cop had no such problem. The irate customer was ushered from the store and the situation naturally defused itself. No harm, no foul. Except for that shrill, nagging little voice that wants to keep reminding me that the world has changed and none of us are really safe anywhere.